I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
