Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
