I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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