dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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