hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
