Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
