I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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