I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
