i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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