In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
