I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
