Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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