My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
