You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
