Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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