someone get that fucking seahorse.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I will be naked everywhere
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wish there were birth control emojis
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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