i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
