i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
