I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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