I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
