Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize