he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
