my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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