U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
