so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
