3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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