I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
