Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
