why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My brain says no but my pants say off.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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