I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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