you would pick up someone in the library
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
