JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
