I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
