i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
as a side note pls kill me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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