i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
did you just send me my own nude
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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