Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
