Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(