i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw