I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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