Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again