I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.