We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
