He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
God, I missed his penis.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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