Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
