my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
