Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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