Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
