Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
