I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
