Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
