I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
