I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
