we have pet lesbian snakes
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
