the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When are your genitals available?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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