her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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