Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
