his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Watching her eat just hurts me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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