he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
