i don't like sucking hair
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
