Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
