jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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