i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
