I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
