Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
