your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
